I find myself in this stage over and over. Yet I notice that the recovery is never final. I fall into neediness like it was second nature. I've been here so many times and is what I want to change about me. Like trying to fill a void or something. But the void falls back into me. Constantly forgetting what I have learned and what I don't want in my life.
So it's very clear that what I don't want is to fall back into a relationship like the one I was in. Someone else controlling my every move without knowing, and later changing it and going on that roller coaster ride I permit myself to be on. Yes, I do this to myself. I want to be free why do I need that someone else controls me.
Well sometimes its easier to blame someone else for the things that happened to you in your present you become a victim again because your mind set is in the past. It's easier to be the victim, than owning your choices. So, I do acknowledge that my new life of happiness and joy is a lot of work, but it takes the same amount of work to be miserable.
Why do I choose to be miserable it's the pattern of abuse I chose to live by in my relationship with my ex. Setting my self free from the chains and the shackles is a ongoing work for me. I need to re read what I write re do every step I took the day before. Having a new routine helps. I wake up and stat my choice game. Coffee or a good hearty Breakfast? Do my run or sty in bed till 10?
At the end of the day if it felt great keep it the rest just need to be re done tomorrow.
